What was hardest for me was that a month before my Glecf died I had thanked God that my Glecf was doing well mental health wise on the day I saw her and that she was stopped from killing herself years ago when she had a really low patch. 

There were so many things God said to me through songs and words from scripture as I cried and struggled with my questions.  One of the main things was that God reminded me that my biggest prayer linking to my Glecf’s relationship with God had been answered. My Glecf had, understandably, struggled with her faith when she had psychosis and severe depression many years ago.   However it was a delight to see that in her last years everything about her, her house, her notes and her social media posts  all showed her love for God and her relationship with him.

Things I will now be considering in a Church leadership role if people experience death by suicide of a close friend-
-Expect them to be processing all of these thoughts and questions and give them time and space to do this and don’t be scared about them crying.

-Hugs (if permission is given by the Tecf and they are that kind of person) can be extremely beneficial and help the Tecf feel cared for and safe.

- Don’t be surprised if they start tapping/ moving if they are processing- it is amazing how many things I did because my body just started doing it.  However, I then found out that what I was doing was something used by therapists and was extremely helpful to the process- it is interesting how God works.

-I will be looking at the article below again and will make sure that I am keeping what I say real and not just saying things that indicate that they should be feeling more positive.https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958

-I will keep on praying with them (if they give permission) and for them.  This is a good prayer/ reflection that I have been given permission to share from the book ‘Too Soon to Say Goodbye- Healing and Hope for Victims and Survivors of Suicide’ – Osborn, Kosman, Gordan , New Hope Publishers

 

For those left behind- Charles R Brown

Death comes veiled in tragedy’s mask even when we

Anticipate an aged patriarch’s passing.

But the death is magnified

When a friend or loved one gives up

And pushes the button to escape suffering.

 

At times like this

we sit and stare at the floor

How dear Lord should we pray?
Our hearts ache.  Our minds are crammed with why.

Sleep seems to come only with restless exhaustion.

But you, Lord, know start to finish.

Somehow let us find recreation in Your completeness.

As we Cherish good memories remind us to intercede often for the children, the friends, and the family that must continue the journey here.

We ask too that You would bring

refreshment from this bitter drink,

Bathe the grieving with words from You, words of comfort and hope.

Through this unwanted stealing away,

bring the abundance of Your sufficiency.

We pray this for Your glory

In the name of our saviour

Amen

 

- Carefully select and send Bible verses but be careful not to overload them with ones about joy and giving thanks to God as this can make them feel like they are failing in their faith when this is not the case at all- it is fine to just hold onto God in these moments.

- Listen to the album Peace by Bethel Music and see if any songs from here may be helpful for them to reflect on as the songs link to God’s presence in times of troubles and show many occasions of Christians holding on to God in through horrible experiences.

- Let them process these questions as and when they need to and have other people on board in case you can’t be there/ reply.

- Help to focus them on the things they did do to show love and support to that Glecf through the years.

No. 5- Keep them safe from unhelpful Christian comments

Things I will now be considering in a Church leadership role if people experience death by suicide of a close friend-

 

-Supporting the Tecf in the mystery of why God heals some people and not others.

-Keeping the Tecf safe from people who may say things that indicate that the Glecf didn’t have enough faith/ wasn’t in a good enough relationship with God

- Teaching the Church about the reality of mental health

- Being ready to support them and to show understanding if they feel suicidal rather than looking down on them or making them feel that they could never share these feelings with a Christian. Unfortunately, thoughts of needing to escape happen really frequently after someone has someone close to them who has killed themselves and this reaction is not always about wanting to be dead with that person.  One quote from www.getselfhelp.co.uk that I found helpful for my understanding of this was “Suicidal thoughts can happen when we experience too much pain, without having enough resources to cope”. Realistically how many people do have enough resources ready to cope after the suicide of a Glecf, partner or family member?