I have found it helpful to look at information on the site below-
 

post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-factsheet (1).pdf

I didn’t experience all of these symptoms and behaviours but those I did experience a lot of I have underlined and those I had every now and then (mainly after having flashbacks or intrusive memories) I have put in italics.

The main symptoms and behaviours associated with PTSD and

complex PTSD include:

• Reliving the experience through flashbacks, intrusive memories,

or nightmares.

• Overwhelming emotions with the flashbacks/ memories.

• Not being able to feel emotions or feeling “numb”.

• Dissociation, that can include disconnecting from yourself or

other people

• Avoidance. This could mean that you try to distract yourself from

thinking about the trauma. Or you avoid people and situations

that remind you of the trauma.

Other symptoms and behaviours associated with PTSD and complex

PTSD include:

• Negative mood and thinking.

• Difficulty controlling your emotions.

• Feelings of anger, irritability, panic, and constant anxiety.

• Finding it hard to feel pleasure.

• A heavy sense of guilt or shame.

• Negative self-perception such as feeling diminished, worthless,

or

• Problems relating to others.

• Problems in relationships and feeling detached from people.

• Problems with sleeping and , because of being in a

state of hyperarousal.

• Being easily scared or startled.

I think I found it difficult to realise that I was definitely struggling with PTSD before a counsellor that I was put in contact with, linking to wellbeing at work, told me that I definitely had it. The reason I hadn’t clicked is that I am extremely sociable so kept on trying to connect with other people (especially as we had just come out of lockdown restrictions so I was very eager to spend time with people).I also rarely felt angry or irritable- just extremely sad. I remember one time walking down to the pub to meet with friends in absolute tears and my husband saying “do you really want to do this” and I replied with a definite “yes” as I knew I needed to get out and see people even though it was hard.

Unfortunately, for me, the NHS system didn’t originally help me to see that I was struggling with this and just used anti-depressants to help me with my negative mood and thinking and my inability to find pleasure and to sleep. I even had one doctor who said “ Before you go to bed think of high heeled shoes and handbags” as a piece of advice- which wasn’t helpful as I am not a massive fan of either !!

Feeling defeated was also a large part of what I was going through as to start with it felt that a key thing that I believed God would stop from happening was actually allowed to happen. Even though I held onto God I felt totally confused and out of my depth about what also may happen and scared about the horrendous impact this was having on my Glecf’s family and her other close friends. God did help me focus on the eternal aspect of life and him holding my Glecf but my brain was still in defeated mode about what happens on earth. It is slowly coming out of this now but it has taken a long time and I still struggle if people try to be too positive in what they say will happen.

Things I will now be considering in a  Church leadership role if people experience death by suicide of a close friend-

-That PTSD can happen even if someone doesn’t see the traumatic event

-That PTSD doesn’t always happen to everyone who experiences traumatic experience but that it does happen to some and to be careful not to make that the people that PTSD does happen to feel weaker.

- That I can’t stop all the triggers that disturb the Tecf from being said or shown but that I can be there to chat about it and listen if needed and to think of ways to protect the Tecf if needed.
- To carefully think of what I say or do linking to words that trigger and to apologise if I mess up- whilst also realising that no-one is perfect and mistakes are always going to be made/ wrong things said, thus not taking any comments made about what I said as a personal attack.

- To regularly chat with the Tecf as triggers that once impacted them can change- especially when Jesus is in the picture. For example I had a time when I was unexpectedly triggered by something in my work toilets and was found by other staff members shaking and crying and probably looking extremely unstable mental health wise. I was fortunate enough to be able to use a different toilet for the rest of the day. However, when I knew I had to go back to using that one I prayed to God and asked him to help me. As I went into the area where I saw the trigger the time before I heard God say “Imagine my hands holding her as she died. I was with her, I carried her”. Linking to my personality and learning style I also heard God saying imagine you were Jesus lifting her- use your hands to go where his went. I did this a number of times as instructed by God (thank goodness no-one came in!!) and really felt this helped me with this trigger and made it far more doable for me to be using that bathroom.

- A Sozo Christian technique was used with me that helped me to think about where Jesus was when I first heard that my Glecf was unconscious from my Glecf’s husband and then heard she was dead. It was all about me imagining that moment but seeing where Jesus was in the car at that time and that he was with us in the midst of the shock and agony. This would be something I would research into more and would like someone trained in the Church to be able to offer.
- That praying for hope and peace is okay BUT that it is a God miracle if that happens after the death of the Glecf and that people supporting the Tecf should not put pressure on them to feel these things/ make them feel a failure if they don’t.

 

No. 3- Physical reactions can be intense

 

If you have a Glecf who has died from suicide:-

Be prepared for physical reactions and don’t feel that you are weak if they happen to you- there is nothing you can do about most of these apart from sit them out and listen to what you body is saying.

For me the first thing that hit me after finding out that my Glecf had died was tiredness.  This quote below sums it up extremely well “… and then there was the exhaustion: mind numbing tiredness that seemed to be with me all the time.” Support-after-Suicide-Booklet-V5-10-2019.

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Be open about this and take naps when you need them as it is likely your body is going mad with the grief, processing and trauma and needs time and space to heal. Unfortunately, bodies often do a double whammy and are really tired but also struggle to sleep for decent periods of time without waking up with nightmares or sudden jerks- be kind to yourself as this can mess with your mind and body.

 

Another thing, that now looking back at it could be related to either depression or PTSD was a sudden lack of appetite.  I just wasn’t hungry at all and at times felt sick if I tried to eat or drink but that also led to me feeling weak and tired and became a vicious circle.  In retrospect I should have made myself eat more and should have been more cautious linking to drinking alcohol as l it affected me far more than normal due to having very little food and liquid in me to soak it up.  For me taking anti-depressants helped me to regain my appetite.
 
A few days after the funeral I also experienced sharp pains in my chest and difficulty breathing.   I was glad to look this up on the internet and find it was quite usual and I was fortunate that it only came in short sharp bursts when I had a flashback of the funeral or death. 

This information below helped me to understand-

“Broken heart syndrome, a temporary heart condition triggered by stressful situations such as a loved one’s death, can also stem from a serious illness or even from surgery. Those experiencing broken heart syndrome may have sudden chest pain or suspect they’re having a heart attack. They may even head to the ER.

So, what’s happening? Well, when this happens, there’s a temporary disruption of the heart’s normal pumping function in one area, while the remainder of the heart functions within normal limits or with more intense contractions, says the Mayo Clinic. Broken heart syndrome may result from the heart’s reaction to a surge in stress hormones. Fortunately, this condition is treatable, usually reversing itself within days or weeks. However, if not treated, it can lead to more serious problems and death. This doesn’t mean it’s not extremely scary for the person experiencing it, as broken heart syndrome symptoms can resemble those of a heart attack. Common symptoms include shortness of breath and chest pain. Always take these symptoms seriously in case it is indeed a heart attack, characterized by long-lasting or persistent chest pain.”
 

From- https://pathwayshealth.org/grief-support/heart-health-during-the-grieving-process

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The Marie Curie website (see link below) links also to the following possible physical reactions to grief.  The bits underlined are parts I experienced
 

 

-a hollow feeling in your stomach

-tightness in your chest or throat

-oversensitivity to noise

-difficulty breathing

-feeling very tired and weak

-a lack of energy

-dry mouth

-an increase or decrease in appetite

-finding it hard to sleep or fear of sleeping
-aches and pains.
https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/physical-symptoms-grief

 

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